Butterfly Sparks Designs

Friday, January 25, 2008

... drama filled morning...

so this morning was tragic for anna katherine.  she was forced to wear her pink and brown camouflage pants that her grandmother gave her for christmas from the gap outlet.  i pulled out her outfit for school, and had it ready when she got out of the shower.  she immediately began fussing about the pants, saying that she wanted to wear jeans instead.  she and steve bantered back and forth a bit, and she ended up screaming about how rude we were and telling us she was NOT going to wear them. obviously at this point we could not let her win- just on the principle of the whole thing.  did i really care whether or not she wore the pants? no. but here's the deal-- all parents know that there comes a point in an argument when you CAN'T let them win.  if you did, then they would think all they have to do the next time they disagree with you is to scream, whine, and pout and you'll cave. sooooo.... we dug our heels in.  she basically worked herself into hysteria, and kept saying that "everyone would stare" at her; that no one would want to play with her; she would be embarrassed.  she even said she'd rather stay home than go to school in those pants.  her plea was really stirring, and if i were five i would have believed every word.  now i have to admit, i was starting to feel a little bad about the whole mess.  we hadn't intended for this to become such a big deal.  i mean, i knew what she was saying wasn't true and that she was being irrational, but regardless of truth she really did feel that way.  at FIVE!  i tried to rationalize with her and dispel her fears, but to no avail.  (i am still stunned that a five year old actually cares so deeply about what clothing goes on her body and what other people think.)   so i took her to school wearing the pants.  and she wept the entire way.  she stood outside the door of her classroom begging me to take her home.  finally the teacher drug her in as she screamed to me down the hall to come back.  according to mrs. kelly, she stopped crying after about 10 minutes. whooo... 

i've decided the camo pants will never be an issue again- either she picks them herself or they stay in the drawer.  
she will pick her outfits and we won't baulk. if she wants to wear christmas leggings in late january, then she will wear christmas leggings in late january.  
we will let her assert her independence in this area.  (well, for the most part.) case closed.
  
i think being a parent is the hardest job in the world.  kids don't come with manuals, and i hate learning by trial and error.  every day i try to love them and parent them well, but end up wondering if i'm scarring them for life.  every night i pray for God's grace over my mistakes.  

any one else ever feel like a mess as a parent? come on- tell the truth... 

12 comments:

L said...

Oh my goodness, I just had to laugh at this. I also can't believe that she has such a strong opinion about clothing at that age. The sad thing is that usually kids decide they dislike the clothes that are the CUTEST.

lindsay said...

must be girls & camo....reese hates her pink camo pants too....for no reason (or at least ones she can't articulate!).

i'll admit, since we had Liam, Reese has been kicking our butts lately. i am so worn out over it. my resolve is dissolving....so tomorrow i go to get my library card and check out some Dobson and some Rosemond, and see if any of those help. i am at a total loss with her, and coming down off of all these hormones doesn't help one bit!

David said...

Randel,
Thanks for letting me and the boys stay down here again...it's a shame that we won't get to hear any more of these stories first hand! Your girls are amazing...hope the house sells today.
David
P.S. My Tate screams about camo, too. I can't ever get him to wear it no matter how firm I am. I usually end up bribing him with more text minutes...

Whit said...

First of all, I think those pants rock. And B, yes, there are days when I know I suck as a parent. We all have those days...wondering, am I making the right decision here?? It's so hard. You're not alone dear friend and you're doing a GREAT JOB!!! ..now, I must stop neglecting my children and put them to bed. ;o)

Love and Smiles said...

I relate. Love has already thrown fits like that at (almost) 3!!
Thanks for the great lessons tonight!! Thank you for your authenticity about your marriage. The couples that chose not to be there missed out!!

brad said...

The most important thing is that you and Dave Grohl are united and stick together. Nan and I agreed early in our marriage (before the kiddies) that the most important thing is that we stay together and not divide.

Dallas P said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dallas P said...

Hey guys. Longtime friend first time blogger.
I would have to agree with you. At some point, they need to know they can't get their way by whinning. Katie, at the age of 4, tells me that I'm ruining her life. I just chuckle because she doesn't know what she is saying. However, it does play on my fears. I think it is a good thing; it's because we love them so much that is it does worry us. But they need to know that love just doesn't cuddle with them; it challenges them as well.
Love you guys and hope to talk soon.

ManUtd17 said...

I'm curious to know what happened when she came home at the end of the day.

John Mitchell said...

ahhh parenting ... I have no idea really ... what I do here is more like glorified baby sitting with teaching sometimes ... and for the record ... I will be that old guy who wears a speedo on the beach, Euros do it all the time!

Travis said...

Do yourself a favor and watch Wife Swap (which Amy makes me watch) and/or Supernanny (which i secretly like). I think you'll find that as long as you don't encourage your kids to be violently amoral little jackals, you're doing fine. I don't think you can really screw up your kids that badly if you're doing your best.

Besides, if kids dress themselves, they reap the whirlwind of embarrassing photos when they're older.

steve and randel hambrick said...

bill--- stay tuned for the next post to see the result of the day of torture...

trav-I--- thanks for the reminder that we will NEVER (Lord willing) be as psycho and dysfunctional as the families on supernanny... :)