Butterfly Sparks Designs

Friday, June 20, 2008

...get your thinking caps on please...

we need help! our girls are overwhelmed by fear in our home, and we are out of ideas.  anna katherine is really the one affected the most, but now sara is following her lead and is scared as well. 
i'm not just talking about being frightened on occasion. like after a scary movie or something. i'm talking about being too frightened to go to the bathroom down the hall alone. even during the day. they will not consider going upstairs to play in their rooms without one of us going as well.  they won't even run upstairs to get their shoes or ANYTHING.
bedtime? forget it. terror. the process is ridiculous, and anna katherine has been waking up with nightmares usually 2 or 3 times each night.
this fear is ruling their lives, and it's killing us.  and it's not a new thing, really. they were doing this in orlando as well, although it is worse here.  we actually have an upstairs which requires them to go a little farther away, which makes the drama bigger and more constant.
they no longer watch anything scary on TV (as much as we can control). we've tried to rationalize with them- explaining to them how we always protect them and would never send them to a dangerous place, etc. we also use scripture as encouragement and a declaration.  we pray over them individually each night also, asking for peace and joy, and we pray against fear.  
we are at wits end. and feel awful for them.  we believe it is NOT manipulation, but true fear. 
any pointers for us, internets?  


Tammy H said...

Hmmm. Several random thoughts. You are doing everything right. Sounds like you have thought this through and prayed it through. I feel bad for them. I know that Sakthi Vel had IRRATIONAL fears from the age of 4-7 years old. It was overwhelming. We did the same thing, including praying over him every single night. Finally....I had him start 'rebuking fear', and entering into the prayer with us (as opposed to me just praying FOR him). Have you tried getting them to 'enter in' to the prayer with you, to verbally affirm truth and for them to ask God for help? Also, I just started making Sakthi face his fear. For example. He WOULD NOT go to the bathroom alone, even though it was lit up, if he had to go....he would wake up someone and BEG them to stand at the door, with the door open. But even in day time....he had problems. I tried reasoning, I tried everything you tried. FInally, I had him enter into the PRAYER big time with me. And then I had him take 'baby steps' into conquering his fear. Whether you want to or not.....'whether you throw a fit or not....you will be going upstairs to get your shoes without me'. Give them tools to conquer their fear... ie; Sakthi, when you feel that fear, or you have a scary thought...start singing your favorite praise/worship song. (This combo... 1) Having them ENTER into the prayer actively 2) Forcing them to take steps into conquering their fear 3) Giving them 'tools' to conquer the fear. This combo helped Sakthi a ton. He is free. It really worked. What do ya think?

Jonathan said...

amy here:

im so sorry to hear this for your girls! we will pray for them!
love yall!

steve and randel hambrick said...

tam- i'll email you about your thoughts and suggestions. THANK YOU for the suggestions. it has actually gotten a bit better over the past few days as we've tried a few more things.

ames- thanks for praying. keep it up please!

Whit said...

We have found that sometimes fear in our children can be related to just general insecurity...you guys have had a lot of changes! But we've learned that the more time our children SEE US(Mom and Dad) spending quality time together - times when the kids are in the room but not allowed to interupt etc., the more they feel secure. The ultimate safety for them is knowing mommy and daddy love each other and them. We have seen several issues vanish after stepping up our quality time in front of the kids.
Hope things are continuing to get better!